Mother's Day

Mother's Day happened yesterday.

It truly wasn't a very good day. I worked Saturday night, and got floated to the NICU because they were short-staffed and it was my turn to float (which is much like being a fish out of the water)...it made for a long night. Rather than give me any real nursing responsibility (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), I fed 5 babies bottles, rocked a fussy baby for a while, and took two temperatures...not really a bad night, just extremely long and slightly boring. During the rest of the time, I saw those sweet teeny tiny babies, I watched as some struggled for life. It made me grateful for the two healthy beautiful boys that I have, how lucky I truly am. I thought a lot about those mommies that were going to celebrate Mother's Day with their babies in the hospital, praying that they would grow up to be big and healthy. I am lucky.

I returned home to a house full of sleeping boys, and very happily crawled into bed at 8am, thankful it was a rainy day, which always makes for better sleep during the day. After an hour of sleep, I awoke to "Kate, I'm sorry to wake you up, but I need help. Wyatt threw up in the hall, on himself, and in his bed." I helped get Wyatt changed, stripped his bed, started some laundry while Jeff got the couch vomit-proofed and scrubbed the hall carpet. When I finished, I went back to bed. Another 3 hours or so went by, and I was awoken by the confusing sound of a tornado siren. In my sleepy state, I went through many thoughts, "What day is it? It isn't Wednesday at noon (when the weekly siren check is), is it?" "All I want is to sleep!" So, I fell back to sleep for a second, and that annoying siren kept going off. Then it clicked, maybe this really was a warning. Sure enough a funnel cloud was headed right for us. I went downstairs to make sure the kids and Jeff knew, just as Jeff was coming to get me. The boys were playing happily in the basement, as we watched the weather and the skies. Luckily it went north of us, and never caused much damage anywhere. Needless to say, I never went back to sleep.

The rest of the day kind of happened without much fanfare. Noah had already given me his card, stories and a flower from school for Mother's day on Friday. Jeff had been unable to keep their gift of concert tickets for Mother's day a surprise last month when he bought them. Wyatt was feeling a little better. So, we sat around, watched a movie, called our moms, and ate a "pulled together at the last minute" dinner. The day just kind of happened.

Then while putting the kids to bed, Noah had to have his nasal spray for his allergies, which he hates. He threw a huge fit, crying, flailing, and screaming, while I tried to wrestle him to give him his medicine. I, of course, was frustrated with him, and Jeff, who also joined in, was also frustrated. When it was done, and Noah still sat crying and sniffling on his bed, he said through his tears, "I'm sorry I ruined your Mother's day, Mommy."

Shock, disbelief (did he really just say that, and what did I do or say that would make him think that?), mommy-guilt.

It was only then that I realized that all day, all those not so wonderful moments really are what motherhood is. I am lucky, I have two beautiful healthy boys, who are growing and amazing everyday. We do have our bad moments, frustrating times when I am only struggling to help them to become better little people, comforting them when they are sick, protecting them the best I can when things are out of my control. But motherhood is also full of beautiful moments, like the joy in Noah's voice as he realized what day it was and wanting to tell me he loved me and happy Mother's day, but knowing I was sleeping and he shouldn't wake me up. Holding my sweet, sick Wyatt, and kissing his hot little cheeks, admiring how fast he is growing up. Seeing my two boys love each other, and learn how to be friends. Sitting as a family watching a movie, spending a lazy day together, and knowing there is no place any of us would rather be at that moment. Realizing that we, Jeff and I together, are helping to raise two wonderful little beings, and I think maybe we are actually doing an OK job.

It was only then that I realized what this day truly was all about. So, as I comforted Noah after his terribly sad comment, I told him, "Noah, you are what made me a Mommy. Before you, I didn't get to celebrate Mother's Day. When I found out about you coming into my life, you made me a Mommy. For that, you could never ruin my Mother's Day. You ARE what makes my Mother's Day. I am so lucky to have you and I'll love you always."

It actually turned out to be a great day after all!

To all the Mommies out there, Happy Mother's Day!! And to my own Mom, thank you for all of the ups and downs you went through, and still go through, in raising us. I truly appreciate and love you for being the best Mom I could ever ask for. I love you!